we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
