Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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