I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
