we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
