Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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