It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
