Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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