i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
