Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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