That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
