apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
