i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
