in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
