new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
