dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
