Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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