she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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