Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
the liver wants what the liver wants
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
