I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
