Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
