Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
