good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
