Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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