he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
