I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
