bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
