it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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