My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I am morally bankrupt
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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