we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
