i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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