I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
