just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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