Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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