i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
