Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
