I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Panties = found
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
