Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
