I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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