I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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