After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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