i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
