Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
