I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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