My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
