it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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