Tell her she can't have a vagina
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
