I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
