I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
