Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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