you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
